Beginning Anew
by Cairnsy
Summary: Falling in love is never that easy, especially when you're still clinging to the memory of someone else. Ruwalk x Alfeegi preslash.


_Notes_Life has been very hectic here, so I'm very behind when it comes to most things. This is a very belated Christmas fic for Toriko, who wanted an Alfeegi/Ruwalk pre-slash fic. I actually had far too much fun writing this, and part of me wants to write something that deals with everything that happens in a more detailed story, which may happen somewhere way down the line. Until then, Merry (cough) Christmas Toriko!

**Beginning Anew.**

**i**

They had never been lovers. Ruwalk knew that some people suspected that they might have been, especially as Ruwalk had never made any true attempt to mask his feelings towards the other man. But, as forward thinking as Lykouleon was, there were some areas where he was also truly archaic, so when it came to the thought of bedding his best friend who also happened to be destined to be his second in command, Ruwalk doubted Lykouleon ever actually considered it.

Lykouleon simply smiled instead, making him occasionally a very difficult man to love.

That hadn't meant that Ruwalk ever did stop loving him, despite and because all of the faults that no-one else got to see. And Ruwalk had been content to be allowed to love Lykouleon, especially as Lykouleon never once discouraged it. Everything, however, changed when Lykouleon officially came to power, and Ruwalk's importance as his best friend became diluted by his importance to Draqueen. Suddenly, unexpectedly, Ruwalk also found he had to do something he'd never really expected to. He had to share Lykouleon.

Tetheus was the first, and that was perhaps why Ruwalk never warmed to him quite as much as should have. He cared for Tetheus, of course, cared in fact more for Tetheus than he did almost the entire population of Draqueen, even though he was certainly the most distant of her residents. But Tetheus had signified a change – no, an _end_ – and while it was hardly his fault Ruwalk hadn't been able to get past that in those first initial months. Tetheus didn't help things himself; not caring at all for any of them other than Lykouleon. Bonding with work colleagues was such an undignified thing for a demon to do, and even stripped of his status Tetheus was still very much a demon. It was years before either of them even bothered to find common ground with each other, even though that common ground had been blindingly obviously to them both right from the beginning.

To Tetheus, Lykouleon was everything. To Ruwalk, Lykouleon had never been anything else.

Friendship was as foreign to Tetheus as bonding with workmates was, and treated the relationship between the two best friends with perhaps justifiable suspicion. Tetheus was determined to protect Lykouleon from any potential threat, even if that threat came from his innocent best friend. Friendship between them came, eventually, once suspicion and bitterness was worn down by the inevitable fact that they both actually had other shared interests other than the man who was so important to them both, but those first few years had cost them the closeness that Ruwalk would go on to have with the others. They would never, Ruwalk knew, be able to truly understand each other.

It was to be different with Kai-stern. The human had been impossibly young when he'd been brought to the castle, all of eighteen years old and still just a baby in Dragon Clan terms. Ruwalk could still remember being introduced to the unusual looking boy, a smile that was too old echoed in eyes that were far too unnatural to not be tainted by something other than simply human blood. Kai-stern had been warm, of course, and had smiled, of course, and Ruwalk had wondered how on earth he was supposed to relate to this strange thing that Lykouleon had dragged home and was claiming was destined to be an officer.

Then, Kai-stern had simply looked at Lykouleon out of the corner of his eye, and Ruwalk had known. The gaze was so familiar that it made Ruwalk almost feel nostalgic, the same mixture of pained knowledge, regret, and bemused humor that lay in those odd eyes were common enough in his own. As that aching gaze had flickered back to Ruwalk, recognition had slid in as well, and Kai-stern's smile took on an extra layer of wryness.

Lykouleon couldn't sleep with those who worked for him, but that didn't mean he couldn't sleep with anyone else.

Unfortunately, Kai-stern officially now did.

The two went out that night and got very, very drunk. It was the start of an important friendship for both of them, as for the first time Ruwalk had someone to commiserate with when it came to the whole mess that was his relationship with Lykouleon. While they never actually talked about it, it was enough to not need to explain away the need to get absolutely plastered when Lykouleon announced his engagement to some woman he'd never even met, and Kai-stern was always up to a night on the town especially as he was finding it wasn't quite as easy to drown his sorrows in alcohol now that he had Dragon Clan blood to contend with.

Seeing himself in someone else also meant that Ruwalk had to finally face the reality of the situation, as preferable as denial might be. It didn't make things better, exactly, nor did it mean that Ruwalk was able to move on. It was still, however, a step in a different direction.

It was much easier for Kai-stern to get over Lykouleon in the end, and Ruwalk suspected for years afterwards that perhaps it had been just a tad deliberate. Tetheus returned triumphant from a year long campaign in the far south eight months after Kai-stern had been appointed, brimming with a new sort of confidence and self belief that only ever came from earning the trust and respect of thousands of your own men for the first time.

Lykouleon had never told Kai-stern that Tetheus was a demon.

And Ruwalk _knew_, knew better than anyone that Lykouleon couldn't have told the human, not when it had become clear so quickly how important the young man was to Draqueen's future. If Lykouleon had told Kai-stern right from the start about Tetheus then Kai-stern would have never agreed to even come to Draqueen, and this would have all have been lost before it had even begun. Knowing did not make the dark, unforgiving anger in Kai-stern's eyes any easier to take, nor did it mean that the silence as Kai-stern simply _left _seemed any less surreal.

It was years before Kai-stern could be convinced to return, and it wasn't Lykouleon who managed to bring the human back into the fold.

It wasn't Ruwalk, either.

Even now, Ruwalk didn't know exactly what Tetheus had said to Kai-stern. All that anyone appeared to know was that Tetheus had suddenly disappeared from the castle one evening only to return six months later with Kai-stern at his side. Neither of them ever talked about it. Ruwalk never asked.

Burnt bridges were mended over time, and Kai-stern and Lykouleon grew impossibly closer as a result. But it wasn't the same, Kai-stern had learnt the hard way that Lykouleon's devotion to his people overrode even his love for his friends, and it was a lesson that Kai-stern didn't merely take to heart but also made his own. At least, he had until another demon had entered the picture.

By the time Kai-stern returned to his forever changed relationship with Lykouleon, Ruwalk's had taken on a new dimension as well. In Kai-stern's absence, Lykouleon's mail order bride had arrived, and against all of Ruwalk's intentions she had proved very difficult to dislike. Raseleane was sweet and warm, and Ruwalk found himself enjoying the time he spent with her immensely. He didn't mean to, of course, it had been his plan to blame everything on the petite slight of a woman even though none of this was her fault. But Ruwalk instead discovered that he loved her a little all on his own, entranced by her grace and nature in a way that was only just platonic. He'd still felt part of him die when Lykouleon fell in love with her as well, because even though Lykouleon had never been his, Lykouleon had also never belonged to anyone else.

It had been at that stage that Ruwalk realized he'd never belonged to anyone, either.

**ii**

Many people made the mistake of thinking Alfeegi had never been in love, which was incredibly stupid considering he'd been born close to a thousand years ago. Some even thought he'd never even had sex, which wasn't merely amazingly short sighted but also very, very, _very _embarrassing.

He had, in actual fact, lost his virginity at the tender age of forty two. Kai-stern had almost choked when Alfeegi had prissily informed him of that after a round too many 'world's oldest virgin' jokes, and Alfeegi had to coldly remind him that not all races were as slutty as Kai-stern himself was. The average Dragon Clan member didn't think of having sex until they were at least in their fifties, Alfeegi had been a sort of rebel for engaging in intercourse so young.

Kai-stern _had_ choked then, and he'd been lucky that Alfeegi was as professional as he was, otherwise he would have left the other man to his much deserved fate. Kai-stern naturally didn't thank Alfeegi for saving his life, instead spluttering between ragged breaths that perhaps then Alfeegi was the one who was actually a 'slut'.

Alfeegi had stuffed the slice of apple back into his mouth.

It was very hard for Kai-stern to find anything scandalous anymore, what with having exhausted most possible ways himself over the years. But Alfeegi liked to think that even Kai-stern would be taken back to discover that Alfeegi's great 'cherry-picking' relationship (and really, Kai-stern could be so crude) was not with some bookkeeper or accountant. No, Themas couldn't have been further than that, not with his soldier's build and wicked smile. Themas was beautiful in the way that the wildest of stallions were, and Alfeegi had fallen madly in love with him. He was not the sort of man that Alfeegi was supposed to love, not the least because he was all sorts of stunning and amazingly funny. Themas had also been married.

Which was bad, very bad. Dragon Clan members did not sleep with those who belonged to someone else – at least those who hadn't once been humans didn't – and they most definitely did not cheat with those who held high positions in Draqueenian society. Themas most certainly hadn't merely been an accountant or book keeper as Kai-stern envisioned, couldn't have been further from being an accountant or bookkeeper, not when he was the Blue officer and second in command only to the Lord himself.

Kai-stern _would_ be impressed if he knew. However, the reason why their relationship had worked, and worked for hundreds of years, was because not a single person had even been allowed to know of their relationship. Alfeegi hadn't cared that he couldn't parade his relationship like all the other idiots in Draqueen tended to do. Love was something that was private and exclusive, and Alfeegi had never felt the need to 'share' Themas with anyone else. Themas already belonged to his wife and to Draqueen, Alfeegi thought he was surely entitled to a few moments where Themas was his alone.

Even now the thought of Themas made Alfeegi smile, although it was one that held a touch of sadness. Themas had been far more idealistic than Alfeegi had ever been, his large form and warrior ways belying a heart that saw good in everything and everyone. Alfeegi hadn't merely fallen in love with Themas but the Draqueen that he spoke so fondly of, suddenly seeing the city he'd been born in though different eyes.

It was Draqueen that killed Themas, Draqueen and a stupid, stupid uprising that had good intentions but had targeted the wrong person. There had been corrupt people in Draqueen's political system, no one doubted that, but how anyone could think that Themas was involved, Themas who cared so much …

He'd hated them all. The politicians, the Draqueenians, the Lord who thought it was all rather sad but didn't seem to actually _care. _He hadn't gone to the state funeral, there was nothing for him there but mourners and grief, and what Alfeegi had wanted – what he had only ever wanted – was Themas. The numbness had come then, as they all swept past his apartment weeping and wailing as they made their way through the streets, and Alfeegi lost the ability to do anything but sit there, waiting.

He sat there for five days, waiting, just waiting. He would have stayed there forever until Themas' death somehow made sense when the hatred suddenly melted into something more akin to sorrow, and Alfeegi had done something very un-Alfeegi like and broken. Silently, and with barely-there tears, but broken still into a thousand different, jagged pieces.

He'd quit his job the next day and applied for a much lower paying job at the castle. Alfeegi would be damned if Themas' Draqueen became someone else's in his lover's absence, and while he hadn't been entirely sure how he was going to make sure that didn't happen, he'd known that his previous job certainly wouldn't cut it. It started as a personal crusade on Themas' behalf, but as Alfeegi rose through the ranks and displaced those who truly had been to blame for his lover's death, something unexpected happened.

Alfeegi fell back in love with Draqueen all on his own.

He hadn't meant to love Draqueen again, especially not this flawed version that seemed to be on the brink of civil war thanks to its aging leader. But that had changed too, the winds shifting and Lykouleon suddenly coming to power. Older than Alfeegi but far younger than most Lord's often were, Alfeegi hadn't meant to find him all that worthy either, but Lykouleon brought with him not merely fresh air but new, sweeping changes. Despite himself, Alfeegi had found himself trusting the charismatic, engaging, _honest_ Lykouleon.

That did not mean, however, that he was at all fond of Lykouleon's second in command.

**iii**

Right from the beginning the last Officer was very, very different. With Tetheus, Kai-stern, Raseleane – hell, with Ruwalk himself – everything had always centered firmly around Lykouleon. It wasn't merely that Lykouleon was their motivation, Lykouleon was also the reason why they were all there, why they all cared.

And Alfeegi _liked_ Lykouleon; most people found it hard pressed not to. But Alfeegi was never in awe of the man who held the rest of them so easily in his palm. Alfeegi told Lykouleon when he was acting like a child, and he didn't put up with silly antics or carefree moments at others expense. More than that, Alfeegi refused to allow Lykouleon the right to manipulate him in the way he so easily – but only because they gave him permission – did the rest of them. Because of that, Lykouleon never did.

It was something, Ruwalk truly believed, that they all privately admired Alfeegi a little bit for. Alfeegi was there for Draqueen first, Lykouleon second.

It was a refreshing and unexpected change. It was also a welcomed one.

That didn't mean of course that Alfeegi was hailed as some sort of all saving saint, far from it. While it had been clear to Ruwalk just how different Alfeegi was when it came to his relationship with Lykouleon, it was also as clear as day that Alfeegi was bossy, nosy, and an insatiable work-a-holic. Unlike Kai-stern and Tetheus who had been outsiders drawn into the city, Alfeegi had spent hundreds of years working his way rather obviously up through the Draqueenian system, somehow turning the role of agitating, know-it-all accountant into a political appointment. Ruwalk had known of him beforehand by reputation only, and had been immediately fearful upon hearing that the dreaded Alfeegi was to be a colleague.

The rumors in the end had been exaggerated, although not by much. He was far more caring than the gossipers gave him credit for, but as emotionally distant really as Tetheus was, even though his famed temper tantrums were even worse than Ruwalk had been told. Anger and annoyance were emotions that Alfeegi could do well – and frequently – but anything deeper was rarely ever displayed.

Alfeegi was, at heart, a very private man. After years spent surrounded by royalty and oddballs, that was something Ruwalk welcomed as well.

But it was the way he was so … unaffected … by Lykouleon that truly drew Ruwalk to the newest officer, and Ruwalk found himself watching Alfeegi out of the corner of his eye, wondering exactly how the other man would deal to the various situations that arose around the castle if Lykouleon was _not_ the lynch point upon which everything rested. The results were often amusing, always educational, and resulted in a fair few annoyed glares back in his direction. It was years before Ruwalk noticed that, at some stage, he stopped watching Alfeegi to see how his reactions would differ from the others and started watching because the reactions were simply Alfeegi's, and it was longer still before he realized just how important the difference was.

It was, however, hardly any time at all before Ruwalk started considering Alfeegi a very good friend. His blatant, uncomplicated honesty struck a cord with Ruwalk and brought a smile to his lips and a chuckle to his throat, and while Ruwalk still liked to spend evenings with the likes of Kai-stern, days worked around Alfeegi were far too much fun to bypass. It wasn't merely that Alfeegi was easy to rile or that the angry blush that stained his cheeks was rather pretty considering that he was another man, and more that Alfeegi gave as good as he got and without worrying for a moment about the consequences. It took longer still to convince Alfeegi that they really were friends, as the other man had a tendency to not like anyone all that much, at all. Alfeegi had given in, in the end, although he never looked entirely sure why.

That didn't matter. Alfeegi made him smile. Alfeegi made him feel _young._

Sometimes, just sometimes, Alfeegi also almost made him forget Lykouleon. They were moments that terrified him.

**iv**

Ruwalk treated Alfeegi like he was an interesting, enjoyable, and – dare he say it – fun person to occasionally spend time with, which was completely and utterly unfair. Alfeegi had no time for complicated work relationships – he certainly had no bloody time for friendships – but Ruwalk seemed intent on not allowing him to have any say in the matter. The other man was exasperating, really. Skipping his own workload to come bother Alfeegi, always watching him with strange sideway glances that Ruwalk never explained away. Alfeegi had spent hours one day trying to figure out exactly what Ruwalk did in Draqueen that meant he could spend so much time dedicated to annoying him, only to come to the realisation that he'd just spent hours contemplating Ruwalk. Not work, not something of utmost importance.

Ruwalk.

And that had been it, really. Nothing was ever quite the same again, although Alfeegi tried his best to pretend that the moment of nothing-but-Ruwalk had never really happened, or at least, that if it had happened, that it had been whilst Alfeegi had been gripped by a sudden, inexplicable fever. Ruwalk kept slipping into his thoughts at the most unacceptable of times there after, rarely ever dominating but always an intrusion that Alfeegi found uncomfortable. They weren't the type of thoughts that would flat foot an average Draqueenian, of course – Alfeegi left all lewdness to other, less civilized races - but simple things such as wondering if Ruwalk was going to drop by Alfeegi's office that afternoon and other, even more superficial things.

Alfeegi didn't want the foreign, unnecessary thoughts. Unfortunately, he didn't really have much of a choice.

Over time, his moments of Ruwalk centric thought didn't lose any of their lack of necessity, but Alfeegi got used to them to a certain extent. They became an established part of his day, exasperating as they might be. But friends, Alfeegi allowed, were allowed to occasionally think of each other during the course of the day. That neither Tetheus nor Kai-stern visited upon him mentally as often as Ruwalk did was directly in relation to the fact they didn't physically drop around as often, either.

Their relationship had been about as perfect as it could truly get, so of course Ruwalk had to go and screw it up. In the middle of one of Alfeegi's rants about the changes he would like to make to Draqueen if only he could wave a magic stick around – or at least beat it over the appropriate peoples heads – Ruwalk had titled his head thoughtfully to the side and said …

He'd said that he thought he could fall in love with Alfeegi's Draqueen.

And Alfeegi was lost.

**v**

The day wasn't any different to most days, not really. Ruwalk spent the morning pretending to work, wondering exactly how long he should spend in his office before he could justify going to bother Alfeegi about going out for lunch. An hour perhaps, otherwise someone might get suspicious. Two hours tops, because Ruwalk was dying to gossip about a new diplomat. In the end, he didn't have the chance to even leave his office, although not because of his work load.

Alfeegi came to him, instead.

And suddenly, it was that easy.


End file.
